Those who believe they believe in God, but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself.
I’m wrestling this morning. I’m working things through in my private journal and come here with just a few words.
So here’s the thing. Am I content with staying on the surface? Or am I brave enough to look through my fears of the unknown, to trust, and go deeper?
Dare I admit that I wrestle with doubt and fear at times? Am I willing to fess up to the fact that, while faith is always my goal, there are days when I struggle to maintain my grip in the face of certain situations? And sometimes I stay in that place for a while. Am I being brave or foolish if I confess that I feel broken and that the grief of this hurting world is too much some days. Just too much.
Can I tell you that wearing the mask of having-it-all-together chafes. Can I take it off for a while when I’m with you? Or would you rather we stay on the surface together, treading water and relatively comfortable?
Do you believe, as I do, that God understands our seasons of doubt and doesn’t love us any the less for them? That He still, in those dark times, calls us to go deeper? That having the prettiest mask of having-it-all-together was never the point; that love was always the point, and that dropping our guard is okay.
So. wrestling. Also expecting, because I wasn’t made to tread water.