Two Hearts, One Baby, Multiple Blessings


Yesterday, I read something that I have waited for fifty years to read. I read my adoption file.

I read detailed descriptions of myself as a baby and learned that I spent the first four months of my life in a foster home, with the exception of one month when I was hospitalized for medical tests.
I learned that I was taken into the custody of Social Services when I was one week old. The notes indicate that “Mother is quite disturbed in separation from child.” Those words, perhaps more than any other in the file, touched me as I learned that she really did care about me.

I read a transcript of when my birth-mother went before the court (as was the custom then) to surrender her rights to me. I learned that I was in that courtroom at the time. When asked if she intended to keep me, she replied “I would like to but I can’t“. When asked why she felt that she was not able to look after me she responded “because I would rather she had two parents instead of one” and “it’s not what I want, it’s what’s best for her“.

Case notes taken on the day that I was placed for probationary adoption indicate that “The baby looked very lovely in a little blue dress and was the picture of healthy contented baby. Her new parents were very pleased with her. The placement was comfortable and relaxed.” The notes go on to say that “The foster mother is to be commended on the job she has done with this baby“.

Today I realize how very blessed I have been. The anger I once had toward my birth-mother has vanished and has been replaced with gratitude and compassion. As I read notes about my adoptive mom, my REAL mom, I imagined how the twenty-nine year old woman must have felt to receive such precious gift. Of course I had been told stories, but there is something different about reading it in an impartial case file. Finally, I am thankful for the unnamed foster mother who took such good care of me in the first months of my life.

When Mom and Dad married he gave her a gold locket. She gave me that locket when I was a teenager and I’ve always treasured it. A few years ago, circumstances were such that I came into possession of a trunk that contained things that had belonged to my birth-mother. In that trunk was an almost identical locket. I told my husband that he would know that I was healed from the past when I was able to wear that locket.

Tomorrow I am going shopping for a chain that will hold both lockets together.

21 Responses

  1. Madison
    Madison October 4, 2009 at 9:09 pm | | Reply

    What an amazing experience. You must be one of God's favorites. It takes a lot of love and maturity to make decisions in the best interests of a baby.

  2. Beverlydru
    Beverlydru October 4, 2009 at 9:20 pm | | Reply

    I can only imagine how deeply important this is for you. Answers, at long last.

  3. Carmen
    Carmen October 4, 2009 at 9:25 pm | | Reply

    I just about cried when I read this. What a wonderful experience for you to have such warm closure. I have never met my biological father and my mother destroyed everything she had that referred to him, including photos. So I understand how you felt, and I am so happy for you! Really, really happy!

  4. Star
    Star October 4, 2009 at 9:31 pm | | Reply

    Oh! now you have me weeping x I do hope you wear those lockets together, soon. I cannot believe that a mother gives up her baby willingly. That your birth mother gave you up at all says to me that she only wanted the best for you and I'm sure she has suffered for it every since. Things were different then. We cannot judge the decisions made then by the decisions made now. In those days it was much, much harder for a single mum, even than it is today, I'm sure. I have a little locket, just like that too, which my mother gave to me. I shall look at it differently from now on.
    Blessings, Star

  5. Hill Country Hippie
    Hill Country Hippie October 4, 2009 at 10:16 pm | | Reply

    I am so happy for you Linda. Now your story has come full circle.

  6. JD
    JD October 4, 2009 at 10:56 pm | | Reply

    Linda, this didn't just bring tears to my eyes…I sobbed! but it was tears of joy for you. Since I have this great big hole in my life (the first three years of life…till I was adopted! I am so happy for you to have some of these questions answered for you!!!such JOY!!! I am so very happy for you!

  7. Pat's Place
    Pat's Place October 5, 2009 at 12:12 am | | Reply

    What a beautiful, beautiful story. It brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing it with us.

  8. Jeanette Levellie
    Jeanette Levellie October 5, 2009 at 1:33 am | | Reply

    Linda: I am sniffling as I write this. Thank you for sharing your tender moments of healing with us. How precious you are to the Father, who made sure you had loving care. What a treasure to finally know the circumstances of your birth. Wish I could be there to see you put on the locket!

  9. Janna Qualman
    Janna Qualman October 5, 2009 at 1:04 pm | | Reply

    Oh, Linda, both lockets together. That has me filling with emotion.

    And I want to share, while I was in bed sick on Saturday, I prayed for you. I'm so overwhelmed with happiness that what you learned was healing. Congratulations.

  10. Diane
    Diane October 5, 2009 at 2:06 pm | | Reply

    Beautiful story! So glad that your heart has been mended. The lockets will look beautiful together! :O)

  11. Deb
    Deb October 5, 2009 at 2:35 pm | | Reply

    oh my gosh…what a wonderful present you received…learning about your past…and finding out that you were loved and well taken care of by all your parents….blood…adopted and temporary…you are a blessed woman..I didn't meet my birth dad until I was 30…but only in the past few years I am getting to know him….it's really nice…

  12. Donna M. Kohlstrom
    Donna M. Kohlstrom October 5, 2009 at 6:37 pm | | Reply

    I'm crying tears of joy for you for the healing and the blessing you received! Post pics of the locket!

  13. Susan
    Susan October 7, 2009 at 3:06 am | | Reply

    Linda, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. What a lovely story, and how my heart just filled with joy for you. You always knew your "real" mom loved you, and now you know there was another who did as well. Such a precious gift. Post a picture of those lockets, why don't you? A memorial to the love that was in your life from the beginning.

  14. inlandempiregirl
    inlandempiregirl October 7, 2009 at 6:25 pm | | Reply

    What a blessing this story is. It brought tears to my eyes also.

  15. Elizabeth
    Elizabeth October 30, 2009 at 5:28 pm | | Reply

    That is a beautiful story. I am thrilled for you that you know how much both of your mothers love you.

  16. *Peach*
    *Peach* October 31, 2009 at 1:29 am | | Reply

    Thanks for writing about your experience. So happy for you to get your records and be able to learn so much.

  17. Michelle@Gotchababy
    Michelle@Gotchababy October 31, 2009 at 3:54 am | | Reply

    Oh such love….what an experience it must have been to read your file–to finally know, to some extent, what those first months were like. Amazing. Thank you for sharing.

  18. Leslie
    Leslie November 3, 2009 at 12:02 am | | Reply

    YOur story brought tears to my eyes!!!!

  19. Carol.............
    Carol............. January 3, 2010 at 11:20 pm | | Reply

    Your post is wonderful…
    Having worked as a guardian ad litem for a juvenile court (working with children placed in care)

    I've had some cases where mothers do make the sacrifice, and not an easy one, when their circumstances are not in the best interest of their child and I have found much respect for those moms.

    How wonderful that you have the heart lockets.

  20. Sharon Lippincott
    Sharon Lippincott December 15, 2010 at 8:10 pm | | Reply

    What a story! I know this was a long time coming, and I’m gushing with delight for you that you are able to wear the two lockets together. What a wonderful conclusion to this transforming experience.

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