Closing The Loop…Almost

Today I was going to close the loop, so to speak, by writing another installment in my This Little Girl series. This Little Girl – Mary was going to be the story about my birth mother.

This afternoon, as I opened the picture I have of her as a girl, and thought about what to write, I knew that this was not the time to close that loop.

I know quite a bit about this woman who gave birth to me. I know facts about her life, how she grew up, how she spent much of her life, and even how she died. I also know much about her life and her perception of people and circumstances.

I have talked with her sister, my aunt, and heard her described as “the kindest person who ever lived”. This description does not resonate with me. I have met the other children she chose not to keep, my siblings. I wonder if it resonates with them.

I have read the words she spoke when she stood before a court surrendering her rights to me.

I will save This Little Girl – Mary for another day.

She was my mother, and yet not.


I’m a writer, reader, and creative. I thought by now I’d have things figured out, but I keep coming up with more questions. I think that’s okay. I’m here most mornings pondering ordinary things and the thin places where faith intersects.
  1. I like what you are doing with your story. I know that however it comes out, the experience of writing about it must be healing for you–or will be when you figure out how to continue.

  2. Will you try to get more information on your birth mother? Applause for writing what must be a very tough story.

  3. I like too that you are working through the facts around your birth and your mom’s choices. It’s so hard to get a full understanding of why things happen but sometimes we need to do our best to come to where we have to with it.

  4. I think that I have all the information that I need, or really want, about my birth-family. The rest will come from my heart. I think that it is an interesting story and one day I will write more.

  5. Such a bittersweet post, Linda. Thanks for sharing this.

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