Found

Less than two weeks ago I wrote about searching for my birth mother’s grave. Today, I can report that the mystery of her final resting place has been solved but the mysteries, in general, continue.

My husband (bless his heart) was able to talk with two people associated with the church and cemetery and learned that my birth mother is, indeed, buried at the same site where my half-brother’s grave marker is.

Twenty-four years after she died and was buried in an unmarked grave, my brother died and his cremated remains were laid to rest in the same grave. A stone, with only his information on it, marks the location.

Am I the only one who finds the situation odd?

So, now I know for certain where my birth mother’s grave is but I’ll probably never know why her family–my brothers especially–chose not to lay a stone to mark her grave.

It bothers me that there was no acknowledgment of the life and death of this woman and I find myself wrestling with a decision: should I purchase a marker and have it laid in her memory?

It’s ironic that the forgotten daughter is considering doing something to ensure that her birth mother’s memory is honored, isn’t it?

On another note I have been blessed this week to connect with more members of my birth family thanks, in part, to the magic of Facebook! More to come on that, suffice to say that I’m thrilled!

Thanks so much for stopping by. I'm here early most mornings with one of my photos and a few words about life and those thin places where faith intersects.
14 comments
  1. Touched by your journey, Linda. May you continue to get both answers and blessings along the way.

    1. Janna, I’m so happy to “see” you here! Hope all is well with you.

  2. How exciting for you, Linda!
    Your diligence continues to pay off.
    I’m looking forward to hearing about the discovery of your newfound family members!

    1. Stay tuned, Denise!

  3. Dear Linda, I wonder what new insights and meetings you will encounter and embrace on this journey. Peace.

    1. It seems to be a never-ending journey, Dee.

  4. Linda,

    I think this seach is very brave of you. And, you know, I’m sure each step almost brings up more questions than it answers. Not to mention the emotions, sense of why, sense of rejection.

    This reunion thing is such a life-long process. I just recently got in touch with, what do you call her, my biological step-grandmother, on my mother’s side. She loves me so much, and tells me things honestly, and yet, I can see she still hides our relationship from the rest of the family. And I say, Why?

    Thanks for sharing this. I think, if you can (financially) and you want to, make her a grave site. But, on your own terms. Would you acknowledge somehow on the stone that she was your birth mother? I’m curious …

    1. Laura, you’re so right that adoption reunion often raises more questions than answers. I’ve been pondering what sort of marker I might consider…no, I would not have any acknowledgment of our relationship. I just think that her life deserves to be honored, no matter the circumstances. Something simple with her name, birth and death dates is what I’m thinking of.

  5. I too find it odd that your half brothers didn’t create some kind of memorial marker for her grave. I hope you’ll get a chance to ask them Perhaps it was a matter of finances? Or was there some reason she was not close to her sons? I have a feeling there is an answer to this mystery and that you should pursue it and I would do this before purchasing a marker yourself. The reason I say this is that I am estranged from my living mother and there are reasons for it. Not that your situation will be or is anything even remotely similar to mine but there are reasons why people do things.

    I love the photo. It’s very calming.

    1. Grace, she was extremely close with one of her sons, the one who now rests in the same grave as her. It baffles me that he didn’t lay a stone for her. I know there are valid reasons for estrangement at times, I’m sorry that is your situation, that wasn’t the case here. Thanks for your comment about the photo.

  6. Linda, that is indeed an interesting situation. I hope you learn more. I am glad you are meeting members of the extended family and I am also glad you are sharing all of this with us. My brother knew who his birth mother was, but was unable to identify his birth father. I don’t believe that the person his birth mother led him to believe was his father could actually have been his father at all. It’s a long sad story and my brother’s story is sad as well.

    1. I’m sorry for your brother, Joyce. It must be so hard for him never knowing the truth about who his birth father was. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to learn so much about my birth family…I know there are many others, like your brother, who have not been so blessed. It’s one of the reasons I speak out about the need for all of us to know from whence we came.

  7. There’s something rather poetic in all of this this: A forgotten daughter ensuring there will not be a forgotten mother. I have a feeling this is a far bigger story than what is surmised at face value.

    1. It’s ironic and poetic isn’t it, Kathleen. I don’t know what I’ll decide in the end, but I’m pondering. It breaks my heart that this woman didn’t have a headstone.

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