I wonder how it will end? Will we wake one day to the news announcing it’s over? Or will the word “pandemic” have to be pried from the cold clutching hands of the news media? Maybe it will quietly fade from the headlines, replaced by the word “endemic” and, one fine day, other things will occupy our minds.
This week I watched a clip of British Prime Minister Boris Johnson announce an end to mandatory face masks and vaccine passports and almost wept. It was a glimmer. Controversial, of course. What isn’t, these days? I wondered how long it will be until such announcements are spoken by our Canadian federal and provincial governments, because surely they will be—one day.
Meanwhile, as I was reminded in a Zoom retreat one evening this week, we look for the Divine in this liminal place. We practice letting go and falling into, as opposed to trying to conjure something we long for. We lean into true silence which does not always involve the absence of sound.
I regularly spend time in a sensory deprivation float tank where it is silent, but I don’t necessarily find true silence there. I thought about it earlier this week as I was anticipating another 90-minute float and wondered if I’d be able to find true silence this time. I stopped when I realized I was thinking that experiencing true silence was dependent on something I’d be able to, or not, do.
No, no, my dear, I told myself. You’re not that powerful. True silence comes when I let go and listen and fall into my belovedness. It’s less about doing and more about being.
I spent 90 minutes in silence this week, but I’m not sure I experienced true silence because my monkey mind was working overtime.
Thinking about my neighbour getting a Yorkie puppy soon.
And my garden.
And my delayed loose leaf tea order.
And that gyms are now open which will make Gerry happy.
And my recent bloodwork.
And wondering how, and when, this pandemic will end.
Nonetheless, I emerged from the float tank more focused than when I went in, in a strange, loose, gauzy kind of way. Physically relaxed. Mentally calm. But still wondering how, and when, this will end.