With a Mind of Its Own

A few years ago I stopped putting color on my hair and decided to go au natural and embrace my changing hair color.

For most of my life I was blonde but a few years ago my hair began to turn darker (I blamed it on the lack of sunshine here in the Pacific Northwest) and I choose to have regular foil treatments to restore me to the blonde woman I was used to.

In time I became concerned about the chemicals in hair dye and decided to let my hair revert to it’s natural, decidedly un-blonde, state. It took some time for every last snippet of blonde to grow out and be cut off but eventually it did and every morning when I looked in the mirror I saw a brunette woman looking back at me. One more symbol, along with the lines on my face, that I wasn’t the same woman I had once been.

In recent years there have been more changes as gray, or silver, or white, or whatever-you-want-to-call-it, has joined the mix and I’ve wished my hair would change color faster than it is. After all, gray, or silver, or white is almost like blonde, isn’t it?

There’s something different about these new silver strands of hair though. The texture is different, it’s coarser and doesn’t always want to behave the way I want it to. My morning ablutions have become a battle of will as I attempt to force the silver hair go in a way it sometimes chooses not to.

C’mon, I plead (sometimes even whine) as I pat it down, smooth it over, and reach for the spray. You’ve been in this style for a few years. You know the routine.

But this silver hair has a mind of it’s own and chooses it’s own path. It’s like me as I settle in to my own maturity, become more deliberate in my choices, and obstinate about things I don’t want to do.

This morning as I observed that the silver strands were choosing to stand bolt upright despite my attempts to tame them, I couldn’t help but smile. It’s like my unruly hair is a symbol of the changes in my own maturing personality; it’s got a mind of it’s own.

And I’m okay with that.


I’m a writer, reader, and creative. I thought by now I’d have things figured out, but I keep coming up with more questions. I think that’s okay. I’m here most mornings pondering ordinary things and the thin places where faith intersects.
  1. Dear Linda, my brown color began to gray when I was in my forties. Over the next thirty years I’ve gotten grayer and grayer until now I’m also to 100%, but still some dark hair remains. And you are right that the gray hair is will-of-the-wisp! It was lie or stand upright no matter what we do! Peace.

    1. That gray hair is a great metaphor for the way we settle into our own ways as we grow older isn’t it Dee?!

  2. Cute post, Linda. It sounds like we’ve walked the same path on this, kind of, although I never went the blonde route. I did color my hair dark as the gray was coming in. But it was so much bother, and I realized my husband didn’t feel the need to color his gray, so I stopped. I’m glad I did, although I sometimes wonder who the gray-haired grandmother is that looks at me every morning in the mirror. In my mind I will be forever a long, light-brown haired, 120#, wrinkle-free 25-year-old woman.

    p.s. I like the texture of my gray hair. It has helped tons with what otherwise has been fine and limp, can’t do anything with it, hair. 🙂

    1. I suspect that when I have more gray than brown I’ll like it more too. I’ve had the curse of fine hair for most of my life too.

  3. Ah, I remember the highlights using the foil strips! I did that so my “dirty dishwater blonde” hair would look a little brighter and the fineness in my hair would be bulked up by the damage done by chemicals. When I retired, I asked my new hair stylist (my old one had moved away) what her fees were to do highlights. She asked why I would want highlights when the “Master Stylist” had already taken care of them with silver and gray! I’ve never touched the “stuff” since. 🙂 Enjoy the changes — it only gets better.


  4. Auntie Linda – it’s not silver, it’s antique blond!!

    1. I love that, Lara!

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